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i'M IN SCHOOL AND TO lAZY TO TAKE OFF THE cAPS BUTTON

Ok that's enough of CAPS but it was enjoyable for a short while. I'm in Literary Voices of the Holocaust and I should be working on a project that's due Friday but I'm not going to be here Friday for I will be at Districts Music Festival. HOORAY!! lkuyf--says Krissy (she happens to be sitting next to me and decided to distract me from ignoring my work...and now she's be choked by Elliott and will never be able to eat again apparently.

So pretty much I had nothing to do today because I had chorus and chamber singers and now I'm doing this haha. But in all seriousness we made some really great progress in Chamber singers today. I'm so excited to compete. We started "O Nata Lux" and got the first two pages "learned" they need a lot of work but the progress we made was amazing! We have a really awesome group this year.


And I'll probably have to finsh this update up later...Krissy found a website with "Your mom" jokes on it.

So far the best one is "Your Mom is your Dad's wife" and the dirtiest one was "Your mom's like a bowling ball she's picked up, fingered, and thrown in the gutter"

Tata for now
KP
"your mom is a sexy beast and she enjoys shreaded provlone chesse"
  • Current Music
    THe Laughter of many students
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Hey look I'm back!!

I had the best day today!! ...actually the beginning kinda sucked. I got up around nine and took a shower and tended to my other grooming needs as I do every morning. I picked up my room, listened to some music, did the bare minimum of homework, and then the fighting happened. You know same old, same old, shouting, crying, calling it quits, storming out, blah, blah, blah. So I told my brother I loved him and ditched and as soon as I got out side it was beautiful! It totally changed my mood around. It was just one of those days that I wanted to get in my car, blast my stereo, and drive forever, away from everything and everyone and never look back, but I didn't.

I drove into town and did my cleaning job for my usual forty bucks and then I called Krissy and it turned out that i had an hour to kill, so I decided to call Q. Q informed me that I should venture over to her house in an undisclosed location in case this journal gets into the wrong hands (KC). Anyway, when I got there I chilled for a while and Q called Frances to make plans because they were going to hang out along with Laney, in said phone call a game of hide and seek was planned in which Q was going to hide before Laney and Frances got there and they were going to look for her. When Q hung up she recruited me to help her find a hiding place.

"Whoa this is the fist time I've ever been in a dryer before..."

"I need to go to a junk yard and find a dryer so I can put it in my living room and chill out in there when I have people over...I'll pimp it out and people can sit on top of it!"

You can take from that what you will...

Then I hung out with Krissy...which always proves to be amusing...enough said about that and the phallic super-bowl trophy.

Next I went to a super-bowl party at Dan's house and I wasn't surprised that I had a good time but I was surprised by how much of a good time i had. These are such good kids, I'm kinda sorry that I'm just getting to know them now so late in my high school adventures but a few people there were also looking into the same school that I'm looking into so I was quite pleased.

All in all a very very good day, good times spent with good people and good dryers.

I'll try and update more I think I'm getting more into this Live Journal things.

See/Talk to you cool cats later.

LUV KP
  • Current Music
    O Nata Lux
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Interesting

I wrote this in my actual journal last night and I thought it would best explain what I've been feeling lately so here it goes...

"I've been noticing things lately, things that I've never really taken the time to notice before. Things like the way the water runs down my hand in the shower, running over every blue vein until it runs all the way down my arm. Or the way the sunrises up over the mountains in my rearview miror on the way to school, glistening through the morning dew of the back window. Or the feeling I get when i'm driving home out night with the window down and the heat turned up just so i can feel the hot and cold sentsation on my face and hands.

My schedual for next week AFTER school

Tuesday- Phsyical therapy appointment, followed by a drama meeting followed by a friends of music meeting
Wednesday- Work from 3-7
Thursday-Drama Try-Outs
Friday-Drama call-backs
Saturday- Work again (unless I can get out of it)

and I feel like the things that should be important, like getting to work and appointments on time, just...aren't and the things that aren't important, the sunrise or the deer running across the street and into the nearby field...those are the things that I find myself remembering and caring about. But I feel as if i should at least be getting some profound thoughts about what these things mean to me, but I don't have any of that, I just notice them.

I've also been feeling like I have to prove myself and there's this song that I've been listening to called "defying gravity" from the show "wicked"

"something has changed within me
something is not the same
I'm through with playing be the rules
of someone elses game
too late for second guessing
too late to go back to sleep
it's time to trust my instints
close my eyes
and leap
it's time to try defying gravity
I think i'll try defying gravity
and you can't pull me down

I'm thourgh accepting limits
becasue someone says they're so
somethings I cannot change
but til I try i'll never know
too long I've been afraid of losing love
I guess I've lost
Well if that's love it comes at much to high a cost
i'd sooner buy defying gravity
kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity
and you can't pull me down"

these lyrics make me feel like I can fly, like I can prove to everyone that is telling me I can't do it that I can. The weird thing is I don't know who's telling me I can't do it, or what the "it" is that I can't do I; just feel like it's there so maybe in the long run I'm just proving...something...to myself."


I don't know what I'm trying to say or if that even makes sense but that's what I wrote so I guess this was just a really drawn out way of saying if you come up to me in the halls or talk to me online or whatever, and i seem really distant I'm sorry i'm not trying to be I'm probably just spacing out and noticing another one of my apparently important (but all together not life changing or profound in any way) "things" and please don't take it personally.

Love (as always) KP
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confused

So I went to dinner with my dad tonight and I'm so confused I hate this.

First of all he calls me up to tell me that he's going to be on time but not only tell me PROMISE me he'll be on time so i get there right a six thirty and stand there for thirty minutes when he comes walking through the door with "I'm sorry I'm late" with a lmae excuse tacked on the end.

We had dinner and about half way through he gets a phone call from his partner and talks for the second half of dinner. I haven't seen or talked this man that calls himself me father for a few months now and he's talking on the phone with his fucking business partner. I hate that it's not that I would care but if he doesn't fucking want care about what's going on with me than why does he bother so I'm not even mad at him i'm just hurt.

Anyway we get done with dinner and he walks me to my car and we stand out there and talk for literally forty-five minutes about traveling and polotics and just things that my mom doesn't get about me and I don't understand how a man that knows nothing about me just...knows me...whether he's my father or not.

He's the only other person that truly understands what I'm afraid of and my need to get out and travel to India and Italy and Frace and Spain and Australia and everywhere else and i hate him for it. I don't want him to understand me he doesn't deserve it and it just confuses me. I love my dad a lot but I don't know how to have a relationship with him. We agree on so many things including movies and books and we have a lot more in common then me and me mom do but my mom has always been there for me and I know that I don't have to choose between them and I'm not. I guess my dad is the only person that I've never stopped expecting things of and it really upsets me when he lets me down time after time about everything from promising to be on time to promising to stand up to my step mom for me and i can't stop having expectations for him I don't know how I'm sick of trying because I can't fucking do it!

The other thing is I think I like this guy and I'm not going to use names but it's really confusing me and I can't talk to anyone about it because I don't want anyone to know. God I wish Quimby was here already i could talk to her about it. I can talk to Quimby about everything and know that she'll never judge me. I just don't know what to do about this guy...I guess I'll do what i always do which is nothing.

oh well I guess I'm out

Peace KP

P.S. I know I said I'd put quotes from the trip up I'll do it soon I promise

P.P.S Sorry for all the typos that may or may not be in this update i didn't have time to spell check and my brain works too fast for my hand.
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yay for updates haha

Wow it's been a while huh?

I got home today and the horses had gotten out of their pen and were running down the road so I had to go get them...it was really funny Raven almost trampled me...that wasn't funny at the time but looking back. (Laney this little story might sound familiar to you haha (for those of you that weren't there {which is everyone except me and Laney unless you're stalking me and I don't know it} the first time that Laney came to my house the horses got out and I made her help me get them back in and it was really funny and then one of them almost chewed my hand off.

Anyway...

I had a job interview at Hannafords today and a lot was riding on it because if i didn't get the job I couldn't go to Rhode Island to a beach house with a few of my friends and i've been looking forward to it since january haha anyway...to make a long story short...after about a two hour long interview that included two tests I got the job before i left and I will be on my way to Rhode Island with my best of best of best friend Laney and we're going to have soooooooooo much fun.

Hopefully I'll get rid of my writer's block and my drawing block when I'm at the beach house (yes I have a drawing block I have been drawing this picture and I just can't bring myself to finish it so maybe I'll be able to)

I guess that's all I have to say for now...if there's anything else you wanna no just ask haha anyway I'm out and i probably won't be updating again until after Rhode Island.

LUV KP

P.S. if anyone is interested in a newsies Role play my friend Q and i want to start one on Live Journal so let me know...Adios!
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I Hope you Like it

Hey I sat down and I wrote this it's one of a few that I have so let me know if you like it or not .

Lessons


A Warm, White Light,
An Energy,
That is the goal for anybody
…and maybe everybody.

A life,
A lesson,
A life lesson.

The reason we are put on this earth?
To learn?
To teach?
To make a difference?

Sometimes I wonder what it’s like to be a lion,
To be part of a family, a troop,
My efforts, everybody’s efforts
Come together as one, for the greater good of the tribe,
Unity…a life lesson?

Sometimes I wonder what it’s like to be a tree,
To be rooted, to have wisdom,
To be the essence and role model to all life
Me…The World
Being at one with the earth…a life lesson?

Sometimes I wonder why…
Why I was blessed with this life, these talents
While others live in poverty and turmoil,
Just scraping to get by,
Gratitude…My life lesson?

So I breath, I learn my lessons one by one
Life after life,
I carry my wisdom with me, though I do not notice
Until I have learned all there is to learn,
Then it will be my turn
To become part of the light, the energy
That will guide me to the end of the earth,
The universe, and beyond.
  • Current Music
    Mad World-Gary Jules
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I'm sorry

I'm sorry for the last update I just wanted to clear some things up. I was totally breaking down, my mom had been out of town for the weekend and she's the person I talk to and I was left here the only girl in the house and I totally lost it. So these are the things that are true...now that I'm in my right mind (or as close as I’m going to get)

a) I don't need a guy to keep my happy and i know that. I'm perfectly fine the way I am and if they can't see that it's not my problem nor should i worry about it.

b) I will never pick up drugs I don't need to and if people can't accept me for my decision (which they can and they respect me for it) then they can go climb a tree (new favorite saying)

c) I'm still not exactly happy with myself but I know I'm a semi-good person and i'm doing the best I can and that's all that matters

So for now I'm going to stick with that and maybe things will get better. Thanks to all who responded you did make me feel a little better.

LUV KP
  • Current Music
    Tattle Tale-Little Silver Hands
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blah I'm sorry

I'm so sorry it's been so long since I've updated. I would like to say it's because I've been so busy but in all honesty I've just been putting it off. I haven't really been in the mood to talk, to anyone really. I've been feeling really blah all the time. I don't think I'm good enough for anything; the thoughts that have been going through my mind are awful and ridiculous. Some examples of these thoughts are:

"I'm not a good enough singer to be in Chamber singers with these people, they have so much more talent than I do, I shouldn't try out for next year, I'm holding all of them back."

"I'm not a good enough writer to write fan fiction, I'm writing my story really bad and nobody's going to like it"

"I'm not a good enough friend, I'm an awful person and people are only friends with me because they have to be. I hate who I am, who I've become, I've changed so much for the worse."

"I'm not going to make it in college, and that's if I get accepted which is a big toss up anyway"

"People think I'm annoying and don't want to be around me, they invite me places because they feel bad for me"

"I'm really ugly and nasty to people, why else wouldn't I be going out with someone"

I know that some of these comments are ridiculous but it's a feeling in my heart and stomach, a feeling that I can't shake. I don't know what's wrong with me.

: Looks at sky with hands in the air:
Will somebody please tell me what's wrong with me??

Not to mention I have been thinking more and more about getting into the drinking and drugs, maybe people will like me better if I do that, I mean they're all fine and they do it all the time, I could do it just a few times and be ok...I don't think that I would actually have the guts to follow through and i really don't want to start doing them, I'm proud of the fact that I'm drug and alcohol free but I don't know how else to change myself.

Anyway I'm sorry for the angsty update especially since it's been so long and I hope that everyone that reads this is safe and healthy and happy, and everyone that doesn't read this too.
I'll talk later

KP
  • Current Music
    All the Recipes I've Ever Ruined-The Lucksmiths