thebetterkp (thebetterkp) wrote,
thebetterkp
thebetterkp

confused

So I went to dinner with my dad tonight and I'm so confused I hate this.

First of all he calls me up to tell me that he's going to be on time but not only tell me PROMISE me he'll be on time so i get there right a six thirty and stand there for thirty minutes when he comes walking through the door with "I'm sorry I'm late" with a lmae excuse tacked on the end.

We had dinner and about half way through he gets a phone call from his partner and talks for the second half of dinner. I haven't seen or talked this man that calls himself me father for a few months now and he's talking on the phone with his fucking business partner. I hate that it's not that I would care but if he doesn't fucking want care about what's going on with me than why does he bother so I'm not even mad at him i'm just hurt.

Anyway we get done with dinner and he walks me to my car and we stand out there and talk for literally forty-five minutes about traveling and polotics and just things that my mom doesn't get about me and I don't understand how a man that knows nothing about me just...knows me...whether he's my father or not.

He's the only other person that truly understands what I'm afraid of and my need to get out and travel to India and Italy and Frace and Spain and Australia and everywhere else and i hate him for it. I don't want him to understand me he doesn't deserve it and it just confuses me. I love my dad a lot but I don't know how to have a relationship with him. We agree on so many things including movies and books and we have a lot more in common then me and me mom do but my mom has always been there for me and I know that I don't have to choose between them and I'm not. I guess my dad is the only person that I've never stopped expecting things of and it really upsets me when he lets me down time after time about everything from promising to be on time to promising to stand up to my step mom for me and i can't stop having expectations for him I don't know how I'm sick of trying because I can't fucking do it!

The other thing is I think I like this guy and I'm not going to use names but it's really confusing me and I can't talk to anyone about it because I don't want anyone to know. God I wish Quimby was here already i could talk to her about it. I can talk to Quimby about everything and know that she'll never judge me. I just don't know what to do about this guy...I guess I'll do what i always do which is nothing.

oh well I guess I'm out

Peace KP

P.S. I know I said I'd put quotes from the trip up I'll do it soon I promise

P.P.S Sorry for all the typos that may or may not be in this update i didn't have time to spell check and my brain works too fast for my hand.
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