"I've been noticing things lately, things that I've never really taken the time to notice before. Things like the way the water runs down my hand in the shower, running over every blue vein until it runs all the way down my arm. Or the way the sunrises up over the mountains in my rearview miror on the way to school, glistening through the morning dew of the back window. Or the feeling I get when i'm driving home out night with the window down and the heat turned up just so i can feel the hot and cold sentsation on my face and hands.
My schedual for next week AFTER school
Tuesday- Phsyical therapy appointment, followed by a drama meeting followed by a friends of music meeting
Wednesday- Work from 3-7
Saturday- Work again (unless I can get out of it)
and I feel like the things that should be important, like getting to work and appointments on time, just...aren't and the things that aren't important, the sunrise or the deer running across the street and into the nearby field...those are the things that I find myself remembering and caring about. But I feel as if i should at least be getting some profound thoughts about what these things mean to me, but I don't have any of that, I just notice them.
I've also been feeling like I have to prove myself and there's this song that I've been listening to called "defying gravity" from the show "wicked"
"something has changed within me
something is not the same
I'm through with playing be the rules
of someone elses game
too late for second guessing
too late to go back to sleep
it's time to trust my instints
close my eyes
it's time to try defying gravity
I think i'll try defying gravity
and you can't pull me down
I'm thourgh accepting limits
becasue someone says they're so
somethings I cannot change
but til I try i'll never know
too long I've been afraid of losing love
I guess I've lost
Well if that's love it comes at much to high a cost
i'd sooner buy defying gravity
kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity
and you can't pull me down"
these lyrics make me feel like I can fly, like I can prove to everyone that is telling me I can't do it that I can. The weird thing is I don't know who's telling me I can't do it, or what the "it" is that I can't do I; just feel like it's there so maybe in the long run I'm just proving...something...to myself."
I don't know what I'm trying to say or if that even makes sense but that's what I wrote so I guess this was just a really drawn out way of saying if you come up to me in the halls or talk to me online or whatever, and i seem really distant I'm sorry i'm not trying to be I'm probably just spacing out and noticing another one of my apparently important (but all together not life changing or profound in any way) "things" and please don't take it personally.
Love (as always) KP